Being Beta

Exercises in the higher banter with One of 26. Elsewhere called 'poet of adland'. By a whipple-squeezer. Find out why being beta is the new alpha: betarish at googlemail dot com

Monday, June 11, 2018

Listorama: Facebook status updates vol 50

BetaRish is...

Onwards, onwards

Props to anyone giving ashes this Valentine’s day

Life skills they don’t teach you: how to deal with low-level uncertainty

And then we begin again

Magic is as magic does

Remind me never to complain about not being busy. #whydoikeepsayingyes

Friday will mostly be brought to you by grumbles about email tone and back pain

I’d vote for the party that delivers adult snow days

Bereft, as I forgot my fountain pen again

I’ll let you know when I feel my face again

Hello hello I see some industry had its work outing last night

Nose / glass / press

Not sure I have all the words I need today

Whipjack Friday

Spring rain, spring sneezes

Leading from the desk today

So how did you spend that one day of Spring?

I appear to have misplaced an hour

Apparently the modern world’s answer to the productivity crisis is duplication of my effort

keeps getting the ideas / time ratio wrong

If the sea is analogue, does that make the sky digital?

Oh hayfever up yours (or rather up my nose)

April skies a little bit too April-ish for my taste

There should be a sporting event called the ‘Hyper Bowl’. Imagine the hyperbole around it
Look, I like grey; I have nothing against grey, appreciate its calm balancedness. BUT FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY PLEASE CAN THERE BE A BLUE SKY AGAIN, JUST ONCE?

Sun’s out, grumps out, apparently

Oh hayfever up yours (nose, specifically)

Oh Cheltenham, I am bringing you snot

At this stage, I can’t tell whether it’s hayfever or a cold

Work/cough/work/sneeze/work/blow nose

New growth market: Bitcoin but for my snot

Go on Spring, stay sprung

Looks like we made it

Thinking about the sea again

Oh plans, I knew ye once

How is the day running away from me already?

First in the studio means all three Super Discount LPs ready to go

Has the bunting come down yet?

On the edge… of what I know not

Sleep shouldn’t still be in my eyes three hours after waking up, right?

has a rattlesnake handshake

Red shirt in the morning, words will be burning

Last night I dreamt Richard Skinner had developed a special course for me: ‘How to write your novel by learning from DJs’ – the guest tutor was DJ Shadow

Was Doubting Thomas doubtful about his soubriquet?

Monday why so grey?

Hello blank page, my taskmaster and paycheque

Scratchy Friday ahoy!

Merit is as merit does?


Friday, February 09, 2018

Listorama: Facebook status update vol 49

BetaRish is...

His Name Is Alive in my memory

A flung trident is my spirit weapon

Idly contemplating what would happen if we turned Buckingham Palace into the world’s biggest Pret…

‘Tisn’t the season ye

No 5am thinking is ever useful thinking #sleepy

Too much grey

Sleepy in my soul

Big Coat Day C-1

Too many places, too many choices

My tetrameter is loose

Is it vain to want to be less vain?

The struggle is realer than I thought it’d be

Day 3 of no caffeine

Well at least my teeth are healthy

Thank you so much for all your kind birthday wishes. You’re all marvellous

is a missing impact assessment

is having a quaggy day

My desk is so cold I can’t type without getting frostbite

is sliding into being delicate

I think next year I need a ‘Dastidar x [name]’ diffusion collaboration line

Sleepwalking into the future

Salute to all of us still working this week

A happy phlebotomist to start the day

Notes about notes

One more heave

Start your Christmas Eve the right way. With the Waitrose delivery arriving at 6.08am

Hello office: how have you been?

Grift as a governing strategy

Teenage tunes, so hard to beat

In a meritocracy, the best rebellion is to cultivate a lack of competitive spirit

To the blank page again!

In you wear a really wide collar, and turn it up, does it act as blinkers?

Tell you what. What.

Judging by the niggly nature of my interactions this morning, it appears people are taking this ‘Blue Monday’ for real

If we were meant to juggle, we’d have evolved more hands

The Age of Meetings

Rackets in the economy ⇒ Rickety lives

The time I have does not match up to other people’s perception of the time I have

Nowt so old-fashioned as a modernist

“The Fall: the sound of rock and roll falling backwards down the stairs.” – me, just now

Spoilt Victorian society

Printer has taken a holiday already

Hi I’m Rishi, and I’m a book addict

is a Superb Owl trick play

I see y’all made Snopes your algorithm god while I’ve been away

Is it the algorithm – or are you all just ignoring me?

This isn’t the mot juste, is it?

“It must be nice having [insert British politician’s name] on your side.” – nope, can’t see this working


Saturday, October 28, 2017

Listorama: Facebook status updates vol 48

BetaRish is...

Genies and bottles don’t rub along well together

I hear the wives singing

Turntabalism, the only religion you need


I should update you

Juggle juggle not dropped yet

Here we go again

Yesterday: get caffeine dose wrong  Today: pray for sleep

Napoleon Pop!

Three People On A Social Network

Danger Here, and his close colleague, Man On

And the start comes around again

Poetry transfer deadline day: which form will swoop in for me before 11pm?

Orange leaves are go

Paper jam days

It’s gonna be a backwards steps kinda day

PowerPoint thinking

is empty of epigrams

Theory of sleep --> application of sleep

Slide into my thoughts

French-tech-client-induced hysteria has begun

Eugene Onegin but with a backup NFL quarterback

A learned colleague has described my new haircut as making me look like a ‘cheeky little woofer’. This is pleasing

The ‘been on a project too long’ blues

Notebook juggling a/k/a too many projects

“Life in speechmarks”

My feed is filled by the joy of poets. Which is pretty joyous

Sometimes it rains in September

Yes, you are very welcome to rewrite things three days after the print deadline

Second busiest day of the year for the poets…

*rain* *sigh* *rain*

What use a jester in times of fire?

Automatic against the people

Hello tickly throat, my old friend

It appears most of the last 14 years of my emotional life has been soundtracked by Four Tet

Latency is as latency…

And then we dance

Man cannot live by flat white and Danish pastry alone? Hold my cup

Today will mostly be brought to you by *yawns*

Today, listening is solidarity

Packing, forgetting

poem [negation of poem]

is on the scale

New just in: ‘diversity’ isn’t a trend

*Moar ideas!*

Dig if you will the picture

is perfecting the stutter juggle

I think God’s trying to tell me to give up writing anything on a machine. FFS


Monday, August 07, 2017

Listorama: Facebook status updates vol 47

BetaRish is...

What, no board games?

Hell OS update my old friend

The process is the process is the dear lord we’re doing this voting thing again?

Call it come back

Words – trickier blighters than you think

What if the universe is made of elastic?

Let it go, get it back

is strong and stable like an IKEA table

Hurry up Mercury

is efficient in his inefficiency

Trickster holds the centre

is already ducking the flak

Quick, call The One Show! The body politic ails again

is a Lord of Light

Where did Spring go?

There were some ideas here, once

is the Google Doc of your dreams

Oh travel, thy sting is much


Not that it means much, but I am thinking of dancing as rebellion, hedonism as a way of grief, and how we must nurse our candles. We may flicker but we shall not go out. Because there will be joy again, one day. And we will dance together

Is it summer? Can we call it?

Oh, you want something that isn’t on the brief by yesterday?

has been USB shanghai’d

Imagine if the meme was multiplication

Has everyone bunked off?

When pride is too wide to fit the room

And the realm unravels a little more

The need for Squalorship

Plot, plan, plot, plan

à hair-triggers

Sometimes, the surface is all that matters

The itchy nervousness of not having work email on the phone

is in search of utopia again

The edgy nervousness of everyone else is putting me on edge

Sharp sharp! The week the week!

Bubbles are power

The ideas, the desire… now just waiting for the time to show up

The network is working in nets

it’s blue in London; not a French blue, but it’ll do

My kingdom for a hamburger

The storm doesn’t clear the sky

Zero sum art doesn’t add up

is minimal, viable

Heavy legs

Ti amo

is higgling and bargaining

Do you remember?

Whither my lists?