Being Beta

Exercises in the higher banter with One of 26. Elsewhere called 'poet of adland'. By a whipple-squeezer. Find out why being beta is the new alpha: betarish at googlemail dot com

Saturday, May 18, 2019

Listorama: Facebook status updates vol 53

BetaRish is...

Too much work and not enough time…

Have reached the level of tiredness where my eyes are struggling to focus

Dull jewel, inactive fire

*deep breath* Here we go again

...just held my breath for three hours

Switched on dark mode

Defense wins championships

You can tell what sort of place I’m in, as I started reading ‘Bluets’ again this morning

Wit fades without use

I wrote a poem! I wrote a poem!

What, I can’t have another 12 hours in bed?

Reboot, reboot

To his coy facebookers

*puffs cheeks out* One more heave

Non-poetry bump

My eyes! My eyes! etc

Hug > Scold

Why isn’t motivation linked to rising inflation?

Strike a match

I was the past once

You know when you look at your to-do list and laugh? That

Remind me not to talk about poetic technique on other platforms…

Giving up Thin Wednesday

something something [object] something

The closer we get to 29th March the worse my headache gets

on it goes

‘The empty box’ doesn’t have as much of a ring as ‘the empty page’ does it?

In the future we will all be awake deep into the night, reading books about why we can’t sleep

The act we act is wearing thin

Why won’t someone pay me to sit around and read?

Oh pollen, up somebody else’s!

Universal Basic Reparations

All shook up

Circumspect as a state of mind

Scratch the itch of work

Hey Rose, Hey Madder

[another blank needing filling]

Brexit now officially harder than taking a photo of a black hole

What’s that coming over the hill? Is it a cold? Please don’t be a cold

I see which side you’ll be on

Busy day of literary high jinks

Back at the desk for the first time in about 17 days

Not sure I can handle any more epic comebacks this week

The game remains the same

[insert motivational message here]

My engine of progress appears to have stalled

juggle vision

If rumours mill, what do facts do?


Sunday, January 20, 2019

Listorama: Facebook status updates vol 52

BetaRish is...

Somebody remind me that saying no is a superpower also

Oh admin! Why, admin?

Happy National Poets’ Hibernation Day Eve!

It's just another way of passing the day

‘Points of failure inevitable’ seems like a good credo

Oh plans they’re nice aren’t they? #behindthedayalready

My Milkman brings the Booker to the yard

phlegm never sleeps


I’m scheduled to meet the Duchess of Gloucester later. Those of you who know my republican proclivities – please don’t laugh

Treacle day(s)

Oh so Facebook backgrounds now offering editorial comment about the state of the world

Am the spooksman for the Anti-Halloween Party

Spring appears to have made a return today

So much, and yet so little

Why doesn’t this stuff write itself?

I am King of the Procrasti Nation

One day you will wonder whether any of this made sense

If you want a different angle on t’current politics, I dreamt last night that T. May resigns this afternoon…

Oh for a life of trivialities

Well this is a cheery background upon which to contemplate end times

Winter’s waving at me

[something something WTF? something] << 2018, no?

Is there a parallel festival called ‘Gratitaking’?

Trombenik blues

Why will no one pay me to wallow in content?

I learned yesterday that there are rules about washing your caps

Don’t start your Monday with a trip to the dentist or you too might get told you might need root canal surgery

Thanks everyone for your very kind birthday wishes. Have now finished teaching for the day, so I think I’m allowed a drinky, no?

I see people are wanting unicorns again

‘Go your own way’: great song, bad diplomacy

Chance, fine thing, etc

Oh this is meant to make it better, is it?

People just do blerk

What’s that printer? You know I’m on a deadline, so stop working now? Ah thanks very much

Come on year end, I can take ya

On we go

One more push

Christmas, merry, you know the drill

Hello office, hello desk

New year’s fink

Come on gang! We’re nearly at the end of this non-week!

Well, that refreshing sleep wasn’t

9 days in and I can already feel the vein throbbing

The danger of the hereafter

And what good shall you do this day?

Your character note is…

Do you have my words?

Friday, September 28, 2018

Listorama: Facebook status updates vol 51

BetaRish is...

is behind the beat

Where have all the bounders and cads gone?

Sitting in the way of control

Dream pop Thursday

Juggle push drop Juggle push drop

Oh look!

I have joined the lanyard classes

It’s coming home (but there’s a massive tailback on the North Circular)

Cat howling, fan blowing, sleep failing

But who will think of the office workers today?

Time and willpower to execute ideas > ideas

I am mostly cherries

Look for the silver lining

Oh, the air con doesn’t come on until we arrive. Right

Who remembers when it was cold, when you could sleep?

Please please tell me now

Your instinct can’t be wrong

Life and how to live it

No, Time, stop tapping me on the shoulder, it’s not like its August or anything

...but what if time skips rather than hops?

Been reminded that I hate everything to do with decorating

I keep throwing words into the well, in the hope they might echo back

Last night’s dream logic: being fired while in a country house hotel, then buying loads of Washington Redskins merch in a warehouse without a ladder but with the help of Austrian ski students, then writing a book on how supporting the Redskins brought me closer to god

Nurdle > nudge

noise noise noise signal noise noise

Management of woo

Lazer guided profanities

Oh dear lord the idiocy has begun and it is not even 9.30am yet

Hello ghosts, good to see you again

Fidget fidget widget; dig it?

Roll on, roll on

*shakes fist at sky*

Seasons is as seasons does

No one will love you in a thousand years

Nudging, nurdling, juggling – is this what progress feels like?

I suppose the world has always been on fire

For all of you toiling in the information mines today…

Time turned older now

Have managed to squirt orange juice down my shirt, sweat at client idiocy and say – out loud! – “If dick moves keep happening to you, maybe you’re the dick.” this morning so far. How’s your day going?

‘Domino Dancing’ in my head on a loop

My ego’s feeling bruised; sign up to [] and make it better

What’s in the word hoard?

And then we came to a beginning

Omnichannel poetry

Hi my name is Rishi and I’ma  book addict (looks longingly at calendar for pay day)

Personally I’m in the market for a Corporal Strike

So someone called ‘Evil’ wants to connect with me on LinkedIn how’s your day going?

I’m having Strong and Important Feelings


Monday, June 11, 2018

Listorama: Facebook status updates vol 50

BetaRish is...

Onwards, onwards

Props to anyone giving ashes this Valentine’s day

Life skills they don’t teach you: how to deal with low-level uncertainty

And then we begin again

Magic is as magic does

Remind me never to complain about not being busy. #whydoikeepsayingyes

Friday will mostly be brought to you by grumbles about email tone and back pain

I’d vote for the party that delivers adult snow days

Bereft, as I forgot my fountain pen again

I’ll let you know when I feel my face again

Hello hello I see some industry had its work outing last night

Nose / glass / press

Not sure I have all the words I need today

Whipjack Friday

Spring rain, spring sneezes

Leading from the desk today

So how did you spend that one day of Spring?

I appear to have misplaced an hour

Apparently the modern world’s answer to the productivity crisis is duplication of my effort

keeps getting the ideas / time ratio wrong

If the sea is analogue, does that make the sky digital?

Oh hayfever up yours (or rather up my nose)

April skies a little bit too April-ish for my taste

There should be a sporting event called the ‘Hyper Bowl’. Imagine the hyperbole around it
Look, I like grey; I have nothing against grey, appreciate its calm balancedness. BUT FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY PLEASE CAN THERE BE A BLUE SKY AGAIN, JUST ONCE?

Sun’s out, grumps out, apparently

Oh hayfever up yours (nose, specifically)

Oh Cheltenham, I am bringing you snot

At this stage, I can’t tell whether it’s hayfever or a cold

Work/cough/work/sneeze/work/blow nose

New growth market: Bitcoin but for my snot

Go on Spring, stay sprung

Looks like we made it

Thinking about the sea again

Oh plans, I knew ye once

How is the day running away from me already?

First in the studio means all three Super Discount LPs ready to go

Has the bunting come down yet?

On the edge… of what I know not

Sleep shouldn’t still be in my eyes three hours after waking up, right?

has a rattlesnake handshake

Red shirt in the morning, words will be burning

Last night I dreamt Richard Skinner had developed a special course for me: ‘How to write your novel by learning from DJs’ – the guest tutor was DJ Shadow

Was Doubting Thomas doubtful about his soubriquet?

Monday why so grey?

Hello blank page, my taskmaster and paycheque

Scratchy Friday ahoy!

Merit is as merit does?


Friday, February 09, 2018

Listorama: Facebook status update vol 49

BetaRish is...

His Name Is Alive in my memory

A flung trident is my spirit weapon

Idly contemplating what would happen if we turned Buckingham Palace into the world’s biggest Pret…

‘Tisn’t the season ye

No 5am thinking is ever useful thinking #sleepy

Too much grey

Sleepy in my soul

Big Coat Day C-1

Too many places, too many choices

My tetrameter is loose

Is it vain to want to be less vain?

The struggle is realer than I thought it’d be

Day 3 of no caffeine

Well at least my teeth are healthy

Thank you so much for all your kind birthday wishes. You’re all marvellous

is a missing impact assessment

is having a quaggy day

My desk is so cold I can’t type without getting frostbite

is sliding into being delicate

I think next year I need a ‘Dastidar x [name]’ diffusion collaboration line

Sleepwalking into the future

Salute to all of us still working this week

A happy phlebotomist to start the day

Notes about notes

One more heave

Start your Christmas Eve the right way. With the Waitrose delivery arriving at 6.08am

Hello office: how have you been?

Grift as a governing strategy

Teenage tunes, so hard to beat

In a meritocracy, the best rebellion is to cultivate a lack of competitive spirit

To the blank page again!

In you wear a really wide collar, and turn it up, does it act as blinkers?

Tell you what. What.

Judging by the niggly nature of my interactions this morning, it appears people are taking this ‘Blue Monday’ for real

If we were meant to juggle, we’d have evolved more hands

The Age of Meetings

Rackets in the economy ⇒ Rickety lives

The time I have does not match up to other people’s perception of the time I have

Nowt so old-fashioned as a modernist

“The Fall: the sound of rock and roll falling backwards down the stairs.” – me, just now

Spoilt Victorian society

Printer has taken a holiday already

Hi I’m Rishi, and I’m a book addict

is a Superb Owl trick play

I see y’all made Snopes your algorithm god while I’ve been away

Is it the algorithm – or are you all just ignoring me?

This isn’t the mot juste, is it?

“It must be nice having [insert British politician’s name] on your side.” – nope, can’t see this working