Commercial: Sweet thing

John Simmons. Scholar. Gentleman. One the founders of 26. Author of acclaimed books such as Dark Angels and The Invisible Grail. All round good egg.

When John asks you to do something, it's generally brilliant fun, so you say yes.

That said, I did expect to be asked to be a fruit.

You see, John's new book is called: 26 ways of looking at a blackberry: how to let writing release the creativity of your brand.

And he thought it'd be a jolly wheeze to get 26 writers to write in the style of a fruit.

I managed to grab cherries from the bowl. First task: develop a tone of voice for it:

I bring summer to the tip of your tongue. I’m damn fine at making you feel good, what with me being a little risqué, and a lot playful. Be warned, though: I can be sour too. But when I’m in the mood, I’m sweet, smooth and sensuous.

Yes, underwriting is not one of my problems. Next task: apply said tone of voice to a letter from a financial institution, reassuring hapless customer that all will be fine in the teeth of the downturn.

Agent Dale Cooper
#33, Twin Peaks Apartments
Sugar Bakers’ Court
City of London
EC3

Hey you

A cherry on top

Things are looking a little bit sour out there, aren’t they? Like you’ve bitten into a fruit, and all you’ve got is the stone. I guess some of your investments might have gone a bit off.

So I just wanted to remind you that you don’t have to worry about your Cherry Credit Card. Not one bit.

I know you’ve been very good to us over the years, and you really are very special to me. And I know you’re unlikely to be using your card much in 2009. So if and when you do, make sure you’re getting something special for someone special. They deserve it.

You deserve something too. That’s why I’m waiving all your repayments for the year. No ifs, no buts. Just the sweetness of knowing you can spend this year, and not worry about it.

Thanks for being so sweet. And enjoy that extra little goody from me too.

Much love

Ms Suzy Black xxx
The Cherry Credit Card Company

You will, I hope, forgive the Twin Peaks references. I love my cherry pie.

You want more? Of course. Have a look at the bigger bowl, over at 26 Fruits. Nick of Asbury & Asbury fame, has dissected his elegant raspberry treatise here.

And don't forget to get the book. It'll be the envy of your office's kitchen.